I'm now PAPI 3 certified!

For those who know me well, they'd know of my deep interest in personality tools. 

I've spent many years delving into the 16-type theory and love watching people using the 16 types. And I was so intrigued by Carl Jung's theory on the shadow archetypes. Still am. 

But I didn't have the opportunity to be MBTI certified. Hope to be soon though unlikely. 

Then came the Gallup Strengths. When I first started working in U Mobile, there was a presentation on it by Gallup Singapore organised by Berjaya Group and we were invited. 

One thing led to another and I became Gallup-certified. One of my proudest thing. Still is. 

Then comes Cubiks PAPI 3. I have quite a history with this tool. I have used it many times with our clients when I was in KPMG under the tutelage of my colleague who's certified. 

And I have recently developed a Succession Planning framework and we began looking for personality tools to help identify potential employees and out of the many that we have seen, we settled with Cubiks. We like its capabilities and flexibility. 

Though we had a tough time getting through the legal side of the acquisition of services but it finally went through. 

Nine of us went through an intensive training session, both theory and practical and we are all certified as of today. 

Good work guys!

pearlie

A need for time out

I live in a household of introverts and we understand our interaction needs and limitations. And we are comfortable with each other. 

But out of that context, I find it very hard to exist in a world where others expect me to interact all the time. 

I do sometimes turn down invitations and I have walked out of events and gatherings midway before, and I do feel bad about it.

Don't misunderstand me. I do enjoy get-togethers and I do look forward to meeting up with friends and family. 

But there are times when I really need that space for myself. And it's owning that space without feeling guilty about it that is bothering me. 

Maybe what I need to do is to connect with my extroverted friends and ask them how they feel and how they manage it when their invitations or expectations to connect are rejected.

And what introverts need to do is to speak up and extroverts to listen in.

pearlie

A live experience with a self-victimizer

I was facilitating a training on teamwork, communication and influencing skills for managers today, and at the end of the session, one of them started a conversation with me wanting to find out ways to manage someone in her life. She felt that she finds it so difficult to manage the person, and whatever she said or did, it does not seem to bring any help or change. She is very frustrated and could not for the life of her figure out why the person is behaving in that way. 

We tried to look at the models which I have shared during the session, but after an hour of trying to understand her predicament, it began to sound more and more like a classic case of self-victimization.

I recognized it because like what I had blogged about a week ago—Do You See Yourself as a Victim?—where I was watching a Korean drama and found the whole drama quite frustrating because almost every character was self-victimizing themselves to the core, when she described to me how the person had been behaving, it began to sound so familiar, and I found myself inferring to the drama describing to her what self-victimization looks like. 

Little did I know that it pays to watch Korean dramas sometimes! 

I advised her to read up about the behaviour and I did some search for it myself and found this excellent paper published by INSEAD: Are You a Victim of the Victim Syndrome? (2012)

It is a very informative paper. It describes the behaviour, provides a checklist that can be used to identify the sufferers, describes the concept of secondary gain (the "benefits" people get from perpetuating a problem), the developmental origins of the victim mind-set, and advice on how to help people who suffer from the victim syndrome. 

The world that these people live in appears to be filled with victims, victimizers and rescuers. They are usually victims by choice and they fall into a spiral cycle of repeated playing the game of being a victim, becoming a victimizer of others, and looking for rescuers but ironically refusing to be "saved". 

In my last post, I said that those who have this syndrome will never realize it until someone points it out to them. But now I think even that is a very challenging thing to do. It will take a lot for them to realize and admit they have a problem. 

The article says, "People who like to play the victim must challenge their ingrained beliefs, and learn to assume responsibility and care for themselves, rather than look elsewhere for a savior...what helps victims best is the development of a healthier self-concept."

They need to own their own lives and be honest about themselves, and that, is a tall order. 

If you have such a person in your life, and more so if that person is someone important to you, much care is needed in looking for the best way to get to them to make them realize the vicious cycle they are in. 

pearlie 

Nice to be alone sometimes

I went to get a coffee at Starbucks after lunch at work yesterday and decided to take a seat and enjoy some quiet time on my own. 

It was nice. 

I did a bit of thinking, writing and reading. But when the seats surrounding me began to be taken by people and when they started busy talking to each other, it's time I took my leave. 

My colleague however, told me she saw me and asked why was I seated alone in Starbucks. For something so natural for me, I suppose for an extravert like her, it is an unusual thing to do. 

Coffee in Starbucks is getting pricier but it's nice to do that once in awhile: enjoy a coffee all on my own. 

pearlie 

Do you always see yourself as a victim?

My colleague recommended me the Korean drama Cheese in the Trap. She said it is a good watch. 

I am not sure though. It is engaging nonetheless, but it is only good if you want to see how self-victimization plays out in society. 

In the drama, practically every character, except the female protagonist and maybe two of the male co-leads, portray this self-victimization behavior to its fullest. 

Self-victimization is a behavior with a belief that one is always the victim and that it is always another person's fault and not their own. They are always in the right and they feel they should be treated fairly and treated right. 

Some take self-victimization inwardly and become depressed as a result. Others act it out by justifying abuse and manipulation of others as a coping strategy. 

It is quite frustrating to watch how the characters in the drama fell deeper and deeper into the holes their dig for themselves, as they blame their failures on others, and not taking any responsibilities for themselves. It is also frustrating for me that there is very little forgiveness in their relationships. 

I think self-victimization is one behavior you will never realize you have until someone points it out to you, and that also depends on how well you generally take and receive feedback from others. 

I read this article that explains the behavior very well: Self-Victimizing Again?

It says we all have in ourselves different degrees and balance of internal and external locus of control. 

If you have a high level of internal locus of control, you believe that "effort, hard work, learning from setbacks, soliciting feedback, eventually lead to success." 

But if you have a high external locus of control, you will "attribute success to sources outside of your immediate control, i.e. luck, other individuals, environmental factors, accidental chance...you will not see how your own actions or lack of action may be at the root of how you generally feel about your life."

They blame their failures on other people or the situations they are in and not take responsibilities for themselves to make the change. It is a vicious cycle that will put them deeper and deeper into a spiral of defeat. Even if they do succeed in their revenge and payback from others, their negative actions will return to them badly in the long run. 

It is time we check our own behavior and see if we have a good balance of a high internal locus of control and low on the external. 

Are we always blaming others for our problems and failures? Do we always think about how others have wronged us? Do we find it hard or do we even think about forgiveness?

pearlie 

Putting type personality theory to work

 

Type Talk at Work, How the 16 Personality Types Determine Your Success on the Job

by Otto Kroeger, Janet Thuesen and Hile Rutledge

I have been busy preparing training slides on using the 16 personality types for self discovery but I felt that it was not complete without an application section. I am thankful I have this book and it's good that I thought about searching by stash for something I can use and I found it. 

The book is useful in that it does not only give good explanation on the 16 types to what they refer to as typewatching. They also provide a short cut to typewatching by using the four temperaments. And more importantly, it has sections on time management, conflict resolution, problem solving and stress management which I am including in my training session. 

It may turn out that I am very ambitious in the amount of material for a one-day training. But we'll see. 

pearlie

The puzzle of personality

 

This TED speaker is simply too adorable to pass up. Have a listen. 

pearlie

Relationship with INTJs

I have had my experience with immature INTJs and they are hard to manage. Under-developed INTJs are tough to get through, difficult to talk to and hard to connect with. They basically think they are perfect and will refuse to listen to you unless you speak their language to the exact pitch.

I am not saying I am against them. Not at all. I have the privilege of knowing several INTJs who are mature and they are a delight to be with. 

I found some funny and amusing posters about them. If you are an INTJ, you may disagree. It's ok. They might or might not be true. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

pearlie 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

  

I am still on the 16-type personality and was reminded of these responses I read in some forum to the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

The answers that you would expect each of them to give is just too hilarious. And I am sure you will be able to identify your friends in some of these. I can definitely see my friends who are INTP, INTJ, ISTJ, ESFP, ESTP and my ISTP husband saying these. 

ENTJ : Because I ordered it to cross the road

ENTP: Imagine if chickens continually keep crossing the road. It could be used as a renewable power source!

INTJ: Chickens are stupid.

INTP: Er, I didn't see it. Must have been thinking about something else...

INFJ: How can you be so insensitive as to question the motive of the poor innocent chicken?

INFP: The chicken probably felt unhappy with itself, and since the other side of the road had a more positive feel, it crossed to find inner harmony.

ENFP: A chicken crossing the road? This must be a sign that the world is eventually becoming a better place. Rejoice!

ENFJ: I always knew that the chicken would finally muster up enough courage to cross the road, it just needed a bit of gentle encouragement.

ESFP: Because there was a party on the other side!

ISFP: Such a beautiful setting with a chicken crossing a road in the sunset...

ESTP: We had a bet going if it would cross or not, and I persuaded it to cross.

ISTP: If it's not stuck underneath my wheels, I don't care.

ESTJ: Because it was illegal for chickens to remain on that side of the road.

ISTJ: The chicken crossed the road at exactly 15:35, and the crossing took 25 seconds. The reason is unimportant.

ESFJ: Because I helped it cross of course, otherwise the cars would've driven over it, the poor thing.

ISFJ: Because it was God's intention that it would cross the road.

pearlie

My favourite people are INFPs

I was working on some training materials on the 16-type personality theory and The Four Temperaments and I was looking for famous people and their types to be added into my training slides.

The people I see in most of the categories are the expected ones like The Stabilizers ESTJ Margaret Thatcher and ISTJ George Washington, The Improvisers ISTP Steve Jobs and ESFP Richard Branson, and The Theorists INTJ Nikola Tesla and ENTP Bertrand Russell. They didn't quite mean much to me. Just people, but great people.

But when I got to the final category of The Catalysts, the NFs, this was where I found that most of my favourite people are INFPs, as I am, which delighted me.


A.A. Milne (INFP)


C.S. Lewis (INFP)


J.R.R. Tolkien (INFP)


Bill Watterson (INFP)

Not surprisingly, they are all writers. The other notable ones are Augustine and Vincent Van Gogh. And even the rare few celebrities who are my favourite are INFPs - Johnny Depp and Jude Law. Interesting.

pearlie

What's Your Brutally Honest Profile?

I was chatting with a friend during dinner today when the topic of the 16 types personality came up. We confirmed that he's an INTJ and I started laughing as I told him about a funny webpage I have recently came across with the title: MBTI, The Brutally Honest Profiles.

The article has placed INTJ as "Saving the worst for last, INTJ probably have the worst people skills of all types yet they’ll pretend they have this whole humanity thing figured out." 

It's all in jive, for the fun of it. Go check out yours.  Mine is pretty accurate for an INFP.

pearlie 

My Gallup Top-5 Strengths and Coursera being a big part of it now

My top-5 Gallup strengths are Connectedness, Intellection, Input, Learner and Empathy.

When I first got the results I had no idea what is Connectedness, I don't know why I have Input as one of my top-5, I was proud of my Intellection, I thought Empathy for me was more like a given and I wasn't too impressed with my Learner.

My thoughts about my top-5 has now completely changed as I began to understand more about myself and the five Gallup themes.

My now most troublesome strength is really Intellection. I can lose myself in it and lose you in a conversation. You'll still be talking away but I will be busy thinking about something you have just said. That's bad.

I am most proud of my Input strength. When I finally understand what it represent, I began to see its utility, pun intended (Input is where I collect things because of their utility). This is where my resourcefulness is at its best. Ask my friends and they will attest to the fact that I can usually get them what they need when they ask for my help.

I am still discovering what Connectedness means to me, and this is what I believe is the hugest theme in all of Gallup's 34. Or I may be biased.

There is no change in how I feel about my Empathy theme, in that it's a given for me. Though there will be a time when I discover it more in relation to my values and action.

This brings me to final one of the five - Learner. I said I wasn't too impressed with it. It's like, "yeah, I learn. So what?"

I was in a full learning mode when I was taking my Masters in Christian Studies for 8 long years before. And after that I had wanted to take up something in psychology but I didn't do because I have to manage my family priorities. So in that sense, that left me with not many opportunities to learn. Yes, I read and yes, I watch TEDTalks (though only recently) but those really are just small snippets of learning that never really satisfy me, though I do learn a lot from reading but it's very challenging to find my right next read.

This was the situation till I rediscovered Coursera. I went to it in the mid of this year, and found that since I discovered it in 2013, it has improved a lot and maybe it is also because I'm more ready for it this phase of my life.

Coursera is a dream come true to me as a Learner but I think it will be my undoing as well - because I keep signing up for courses and how I am going to keep with lectures and assignments I have no idea!

So far I have completed one course in Fundamentals of a Project Planning and Management.

I have completed all lectures and quizzes in Conversations that Inspire: Coaching Learning, Leadership and Change, pending a submission of reports on 2 coaching assignments, which is still on-going.

I am midway through Introduction to Psychology. I have started on the lectures in August and almost finished them when they offered the course again in October and I signed up for it. A mid-term exam of 60-question quiz is where I am at the moment. I have not attempted it yet. Sixty questions! Oh boy...

I have just started On Strategy: What Managers can Learn from Philosophy and thoroughly enjoying it. The assignments are really challenging but I find them brilliant. Come to think of it, this course is like an amalgamation of my two strengths - Intellection or Thinking and Learner.

I should be happily settled with learning from these three courses running in tandem but I went and signed up for two more! Most probably I will not be actively following them. They are Introduction to Philosophy and Think Again: How to Reason and Argue.

But then again, looking now at the titles, I might just make time. So now you see what I mean by Coursera is both a dream come true and my undoing.

pearlie

I am in an introverted phase

I am a learner. But I find myself presently uninterested in attending seminars or classes, even though the topics are very interesting to me. I thought about it and concluded that this must be the phase of my life where I am more introverted than extroverted.

According to the personality type theory, every person, whether an extrovert or an introvert, will have their more introverted and extroverted phases interchangeably. As much as I am an introvert, I can extrovert when required. Just that, for now I feel that I prefer to spend my time mainly in more introverted activities.

So in terms of attending classes, I am currently more attracted to online learning rather than actually attending them physically. I used to hate online learning, maybe because of the compulsory sessions that I needed to do then. But with the many MOOC programmes available online, this is the perfect time to look for programmes that interest me and spend my introverted time in them. When I was introduced to MOOC programmes two years ago, it did not catch on to me like it does now. I feel that I was in my more extroverted phase then.

I have signed up for Fundamentals in Project Planning and Management with Coursera.org, and just after the first week, I am learning so much from it, and wanting more.

Having said that though, I have signed up for a symposium in the next few days. Not that I wanted to, I was required to.

I am looking forward to the learning, but just thinking about the hoard of people there, I am feeling tired already.

pearlie

Gallup Theme: Input

I watched this Gallup Theme Thursday video today on theme Input, and absolutely love it. It's like he is describing most of what I do and what I feel about the subject. It's about reading, books, ebooks, e-readers, language, tech and apps and more. All those put together is so me!



Note: I must add here that sadly, Curt Liesveld has gone home to be with the Lord on 16 May 2015. He was my Gallup trainer last year and I have enjoyed tremendously the sessions I had with him. Here is his obituary. Rest in peace, Curt.

pearlie

Clocks are a must for some

I found an excellent way to recognize if a person is a J or a P. Ok, I'm taking about the 16 types here, with the more structured people (J) compared to the more free flow people (P). I was trying to type someone when she spoke about how she refuse to even count the number of clocks she has in her house. She is a J for sure. I, being a P, used to only have one in the house! I have two now since my son insisted on having one in his room.

I don't even wear a watch. Well, it does not mean I don't see the time. I do...in my phone and PC mainly. But generally, I'm not too really hung up on time.

pearlie

I am an Introvert

I read in BBC today that "Introverts need not apply to work at French beauty giant, L’Oreal. If they do, recruiters probably won’t select them, and should they somehow manage to get hired, they aren’t likely to thrive at the company"

This is surprising - I thought anyone should know that you will need a good mix of personalities for any organisation to thrive. And it is relieving to hear that not all companies and not everyone think like that - On the Job: Introverts win in the end.

I like it when the team that I am in are a good mixture of both. Like in my team, I am glad and appreciative of my colleague who is the only extravert among us four. He is always dependable to get the team going and would voice up at the most crucial time to bring some cheer in any given uneasy situation. I believe he is also appreciative of the remaining of us introverts. We are the ones who would better manage and process a large amount of information, who listens well and who provide well thought out comments.

I am an introvert and I am proud of it.

pearlie

Having a good tête-à-tête

It has been awhile since I've spent time yakking and chatting till late. I'm not really a people person, I don't like crowds but when I get to spend time discussing deep matters with a good friend, it's fun.

And that's what happened today. A full five hours of talking and if it wasn't too late already, we could have carried on.

This is how introverts like me like it. A one to one deep tête-à-tête with a good friend.

But sadly, for that to happen often is quite rare.

pearlie

Why do we get angry?

I do not like conflicts. They really stress me. I admit I do get angry myself, a lot of times actually, but I do not like to get myself into a situation where others are angry and they show it.

I remember getting really very angry just once in my life. And with that, I mean I was so very angry that I was actually shaking as a result. Only that once. What did I do? I was in a client situation and I knew I had to control it. And so I walked away, extricating myself back to my corner to manage my anger. I articulated my frustration to my colleagues and slowly talked my way back down to control. I could never forget that moment.

What makes us angry? I read here that it has to do with one's personality (e.g. someone competitive or narcissistic), his pre-anger condition (e.g. lack of sleep, stressed up condition) and his appraisal of the situation, i.e. how each different person assesses and perceives a situation, which can be different between different people, that will cause him to either accept it or be angry about it.

In the comment section of the same article, I found this "Desire Engine Law of Stress", which I find quite interesting. It puts perspective to the reasons given above, especially what causes the different appraisals in the first place.

It says, "the amount of anger and stress we feel is in proportion to difference between how intensely we desire something (for whatever reason) and how powerless we feel to affect the realization of that desire (for whatever reason)."

A sense of powerlessness causes anger - is this true? To me, it may not cause anger in all people. I think it depends on the personality. It may also cause depression, stress, frustration and avoidance.

But at least it helps me understand anger better and prepare me to manage the situation when someone gets angry and I can't remove myself from the situation. I will need to try to help the person's balance of desire and powerlessness. And if I can't, to keep silent lest I amplify his sense of powerlessness making him even angrier.

You may be wondering why I'm so hung up on this. It's because of my communication with this one person that keeps running into dead ends. Things I said frustrated him. Questions I asked irritated him. So I'm asking why is this happening. I did not do anything wrong, at least that is what I think. I was just asking questions for verification but he gets irritated.

Now I know it could be that I'm amplifying his sense of powerlessness. So what can I do? The next time I go talk to him, I must be able to provide enough information to give him a sense of control of the situation.

And sadly, I must lower down my sense of inquisitiveness and sense of excitement. At least with him.

pearlie

My 2015 Goal: A Year of Fervent Prayer

Ok, I'm at the moment quite gung-ho in my wanting to be serious about prayer. I only hope it can be sustained throughout the year and throughout my life.

From yesterday's post, I've actually finished reading Brother Lawrence's The Practice of the Presence of God, it's not long, and I loved it! It will be useful to refer frequently to what I have highlighted to remind me to always live from the center of Christ.


A Call to Spiritual Reformation, Priorities from Paul and His Prayers
by D.A. Carson

I've also just started reading D.A. Carson's A Call to Spiritual Reformation, albeit from a print copy, which will be a challenge. And since I've named my 2015 goal as A Year of Fervent Prayer, I would like to post my learning on prayer as much as I can here.

My first lesson comes from a section in Chapter 1 Lessons from the School of Prayer: much praying is not done because we do not plan to pray.

This is an important as well as a difficult lesson for me because I'm not a good planner and worse than that I'm weakest as far as discipline is concerned (#34 in my Gallup Strength theme sequence). However, since I have used my Maximizer (a strong #7) successfully in making me go to the gym every workday in most of 2014, I will also use it to help me to plan my prayer and to keep the schedule, which I suspect will still not be so fixed or scheduled.

Carson said, "We do not drift into spiritual life; we do not drift into disciplined prayer. We will not grow in prayer unless we plan to pray. That means we must self-consciously set aside time to do nothing but pray...Wise planning will ensure that we devote ourselves to prayer often, even if for brief periods: it is better to pray often with brevity than rarely but at length. But the worst option is simply not to pray--and that will be the controlling pattern unless we plan to pray. If we intend to change our habits, we must start here."

With that, I want to start small and this is what I plan:
1. Say a brief prayer the moment I wake up before I get out of bed
2. Pray when I'm commuting alone
3. Begin every workday with 15 minutes of prayer (need to find a place though since I'll surely be disturbed in my cubicle)
4. Spend 15 minutes in prayer before I retire in bed at the day's end

Ooh...that sounds like a lot! I'll see how I will fare and will give a report in a week's time.

It will however be a good thing to be reminded of what Brother Lawrence said in his Ninth Letter of The Practice of the Presence of God: "One does not become holy all at once."

And Carson says this, "If God is the one 'who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose' (Phil 2:3), then of course he is the God who by his Spirit helps us in our praying."

Amen to that!

pearlie

Ideation

One of the 34 Gallup StrengthsFinder themes that fascinated me today was Ideation.

I have seen it in action in a couple of my friends who have Ideation in their Top-5 Strengths and it was very fascinating to observe. They can practicality and simply connect two or more unconnected items into one brilliant idea without much of an effort.

I have it as my #8, not a Top-5 but nevertheless still one of my dominant themes. It does come into play when I put my mind to it. And I find it easier when I am in conversation with people.

I found this quote. As much as I like it, I'm not sure if it jives with what Gallup has with the Ideation theme. What do you think?



pearlie