The Tree of My Happy and My Stressors

I attended a seminar on Self-Care for Caregivers today. I am not yet a caregiver per se but I was there to accompany my mom and to help out the Ladies Fellowship who organized the one-day event, and I was so blessed by it.

One of the activities that I found very special was what I shall call The Tree of My Happy and My Stressors. 

In the context of being a caregiver, we need to be aware of who we are and the reason why we chose to be a caregiver. "Having no choice" is a reason in itself that will play into how we should manage ourselves in self-care, and self-care is something every caregiver should have an awareness of. 

In the activity, we drew a picture of a tree on a large piece of paper with our name stuck on the trunk. That tree represented each of us personally.  We then wrote down what our stressors are, things that stresses us.

But before that, we did list down our stress symptoms, or what happens to us when we get stressed out. They can be sleeplessness, fatigue, breakout of eczema, losing weight, over eating, etc. These act as alarm buzzers for us. When we notice these symptoms, it is a warning that we might be stressed and we will get burned out if we are not careful. One of my symptoms is me being really short tempered and my poor son will get the brunt of it. It is a sure sign that I am so stressed out that I know I must manage it. 

After listing out our stressors, we listed down the things we do that make us happy. Mine were stuff like reading, singing, journaling, family time and grocery shopping.

All these stressors and happy things are each written on post-it notes, which were stuck onto our trees. The stressors in the "soil", buried deep so to speak and the happy things on the branches and leaves, out in the open. 

 

When we were asked about how we felt when we did the activity, I wasn't so sure about it. I began to wonder why should my stressors be in the root area. Analogically, the stronger and deeper the roots, the stronger and firmer the tree. But when I looked at my stressors, they looked heavy and negative. I felt like they could poison my roots and the tree will die.

But as I thought about it and as what our speaker then told us was exactly the lesson behind this activity. It's that we may see the stressors as negative and bad, but they are not necessarily so. Yes, we need positive stuff and yes, we definitely have them in the roots but when it comes to our stressors, if they are managed well, these stressors can be the very thing that will build us to become stronger. It is true that they can poison us but only if we do not manage them properly and if we don't commit them to God.

Moreover, they are the very reason why our happy things are happy. They give our happy things meaning. Without the stressors, I felt that my happy things sounded very trivial and useless. But with the stuff that I am building at the root, both positive and negative, the leaves and branches will become healthier.

 

After we had our trees all done up, we each wrote a letter to God and placed it in an envelope. We then took down all the stressors and happy things from our trees and put them into the envelope to be "posted" to God.

It felt very therapeutical.

pearlie

Need to talk? Someone will listen

It was just last week when I felt I needed someone to talk to. However, I didn't want it as a baggage with a friend. And so I thought how nice it would be to have a stranger to talk to, someone caring enough to just listen and help me through some thoughts and issues. I googled for "free online counseling services" and found 7 Cups of Tea. 

It is not a counseling website per se but a community of trained active listeners-volunteers who offer an ear to anyone who needs one. It is a free service, unless you request for extras or if you need a certified therapist. 

I thought I'd give it a go and requested for a connection.  I was hooked up with a listener in just a couple of minutes. It started off slowly as I treaded carefully but it turned out to be a very pleasant conversation. The listener I had was a good one and he practiced emphatic listening. He did not advice or lead me along with his interest or questions but spent time helping me bring out my issues and even answer my own questions. It was an excellent way for me to have a good sounding board. And it's comforting that the connections are anonymous and all conversations are deleted. I just let it all out and then I move on. I need not worry about any follow-up conversations that would be necessary with a friend. 

I then signed on to be a listener myself and completed the online training and tests yesterday. I did the practice chat this morning and went ahead and got connected to a couple of people. It was not easy and I hoped I had been a good listener for them. And I will be praying for this one person from now on as well. 

Do check it out. You can try it and get connected to a listener for a start, especially if you have something that is nagging at you, or some things you need a fresh perspective on. And after that, think about how you could also be a listener too. 

I also wondered why it was called 7 Cups of Tea. It was named after a Chinese poem by Lu Tong. The poem is beautiful and fitting. It brings you seven cups of tea as seven levels of healing. It is like going into a deep connection while sitting down with someone and have that seven cups of tea. Beautiful, profound, brilliant. 

7 Cups of Tea, by Lu Tong (795 - 835 CE)

The first cup kisses away my thirst,

and my loneliness is quelled by the second.

The third gives insight worthy of ancient scrolls,

and the fourth exiles my troubles.

My body becomes lighter with the fifth,

and the sixth sends word from immortals.

But the seventh—oh the seventh cup—

if I drink you, a wind will hurry my wings

toward the sacred island.

Translated by Christopher Nelson

pearlie

This is My Body, This is My Blood

One of the interesting experience I had during this silent retreat was the mass services that I have been attending. First, I must highlight that all the silent retreats that I have attended, four so far, were ran by Catholics. It is only because I only know of silent retreats organized by them. I don't seem to find any details about the ones ran by Reconre, and I have not encountered any other people who do them in Malaysia.

Anyway, about the Catholic mass, I recognise the sensitivity of the Catholics with regards to non-Catholics who attend mass, and I know that it is common practice that most priests do not allow non-Catholic to partake in the bread and wine. I accept that - because I do not subscribe to the doctrine of transubstantiation and therefore I am okay not taking it, which has been the case for the first two retreats.

During the third retreat, the father commented to the non-Catholics that if we would choose to receive it, we are invited to do so. He said the choice was ours. I did not and the reason was theological. I felt that if I choose to take it, then I will be subscribing to the dogma of transubstantiation because it will be given to me as such, based on the belief of the attending priest.

But during the this retreat however, things turned out very differently. During mass on the first night of the retreat, I automatically remained in my seat when the retreatants proceed to received the bread and wine.  Nobody said anything, the priest was silent about it, and I let it be, as being the common practice of non-Catholics in a mass. 

The next morning however, when I had my reflective session with a Catholic sister, she asked me very inquiringly, "Don't you take Holy Communion together with people in your church?" 

"Of course! I do! I do not take it in a Catholic mass because..." 

"Because you are sensitive to the feelings of the Catholics." she finished for me. 

I just nodded. She continued saying that she has spoken to the father about it and that it was okay if I desire to join them in receiving the sacrament. I thanked her for it and left the matter at that.

But I found myself in a dilemma. I had not tell her that though one of the reasons why I did not partake with them was because I respected them, the bigger reason was because of my theological stand. Like I mentioned, I felt that if I were to take it, it would seem like I am subscribing to the doctrine of transubstantiation. But she had approached it from the perspective of the body of Christ, that we come together to partake in the holy meal as a family in the Lord. 

I never felt so torn between. It felt wrong taking it and it felt wrong not taking it. As the time for mass drew closer and closer, I began to feel quite panicky. What should I do? Should I take it, or should I not take it? Or should I just not attend mass? 

I started writing my thoughts down. I write for therapeutic reasons. I write to feel better, I write to still my thoughts, I write to manage and to put in place my one million and one thoughts. 

And as I do so, the body of Christ begin to win over theology. But as I walked to the chapel, I was still undecided. As mass proceeded on, and as I begin to pay closer attention to the words uttered, I finally set my mind and stepped forward to partake in the holy meal together.

And that in itself is a very refreshing experience. I still do not believe or subscribe to the doctrine of transubstantiation, and it did not matter. What was special was that it has brought me to look at the Holy Communion anew. For the Methodists, we see it as the Holy Mystery of the Real Presence. Whilst it has not literally turned into the body and blood of Jesus, it is more than a symbol, more than a remembrance.  It is a Means of Grace. It is a holy sacrament that brings us into the holy presence of God through his grace and mercy.

I will not partake it anymore as before, I was serious about it but yet I can't help it but to say that it was in a sense of nonchalance in comparison to how the Catholics do it.

I will now partake it with more seriousness, more awe, more wonder, and in worship to my Lord Jesus Christ.

We will have the last mass service for the retreat later today. This may be the last mass I am permitted to partake in and as such, I will savor it and savor in the special and holy presence of my Lord.

Thanks be to God.

pearlie

Life in harmony, life in one song

Harmony is something that is very important to me. I get extremely stressed out when I find myself in disharmony. It is very hard for me to be in disharmony as how it would be difficult to be in a hall filled with musicians and singers each playing and singing their own tunes, their own songs. Can you imagine how jarring that sound can be.

But sad to say, much of this world is in disharmony. Each person is playing their own tune, singing their own songs, at their own beat, at their own volume. They just want to be heard and they just want attention all to themselves, not realising that he is not the only one around. If only everyone of us can listen and play our lives in harmony with one another, wouldn't we be creating beautiful music? You can play a different tune, we all do, but in the right beat, in the right tempo, in the right volume at the right time. Then we will sound like one song and be in harmony and it will be beautiful.

Paul said in Romans: Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. (Rom 12:16-17).

In our family, in our church, in our communities, in our working place, we need to listen to each other and sing in harmony, singing one song.

pearlie

A church family from the same generation isn't much of a family

I saw this in my tweet today and checked it out: A church family from the same generation isn't much of a family. At first I could not make out what it meant (I read it on the fly), but when I got to the article published in Christianity Today, I couldn't agree more with the writer.

It is an excellent read - and especially for those die-hards who would push for church segregation, i.e. Children Church, Youth Church, Businessmen Church, or however-else-you-can-have-it, take a read and tell me if this is not true: "Including all age groups in congregational life teaches everyone to live together in love and forbearance."

Segregated in a Whole New Way

A church family from the same generation isn't much of a family.

Mollie Ziegler Hemingway | posted 1/28/2010 09:35AM

"Cool! Your church has funerals," a friend recently said after I told him about attending one for a fellow parishioner at my church.

My friend attends one of those churches that meet in a Cineplex. Ever since he first told me about his theater church, I had wondered about the logistics of baptisms, weddings, and funerals.

It turns out that the entire membership of his congregation ranges in age from late teens to late 20s. Baptisms are rare and handled at other venues. As far as he knows, they've never had a funeral. And when people get married, they rent out traditional churches for the occasion.

That's what another friend of mine did when she married. Popcorn-scented upholstery and soda-sticky floors were not what she had dreamed of for her wedding day. When she had children, she stopped going altogether since her family didn't fit in with the targeted ministries to young singles. She's yet to find a new church home.

To continue reading, click here.

pearlie

Busy, busy, busy

It was a very, very busy day today.

1. Preaching

Folio 46r from the Syriac Bible of Paris (Bibliothèque Nationale, MS syr. 341), Job

First, I was to preach today. I told my good friend I am a "ganti" preacher, or replacement preacher. All the three times I preached over the last few years have been to replace someone in the last minute. Not that I mind. I am only glad I am able to fill in for them.

I did ask the question recently - How do you know what to preach? I ended up preaching on Job 1. Don't ask me why - somehow I felt God tugging me there and so I did. I preached it the expository way, though someone commented that I gave them a bible study. Well ...

2. Opening Ceremony
Then we attended a friend and his wife's opening ceremony of their music school.









3. Pre-Christmas Party
In the evening, Calvin and I went to a pre-Christmas party with some kids from a home. The kids really had fun.

Would you like to have more ice cream?




The cutest of the lot - the youngest, a 5-year old.






Isn't she pretty?


Want some too?


You see ...




Joy ...


4. Birthday
And it is my brother's birthday today. Happy Birthday, Jason! With the day too occupied and him not pre-arranging it with us until this afternoon, we all decided to take a rain check. Looking forward to the belated celebration with him.

pearlie
Photos (c) 2009 Pearlie Ng

It also takes a village to kill a child

Reading this piece of news in BBC stirs my anger. Bullying is evil and it must be stopped, be it bullying in school where my son suffers from or workplace bullying where I have seen and experienced as well.

How can it be stopped. I always wonder what causes a person to bully. Their own upbringing? Their own lack of love? What do you think? Why do you think people bully? It is rampant in school and in the workplace too. Wikipedia has an excellent piece on workplace bullying here.

pearlie