Have I been murmuring against the LORD?

I realised I have been murmuring and complaining and grumbling. I need to stop that live this life that God placed me in. O God have mercy on me. Numbers 13:25-14:45 (ESV) At the end of forty days they returned from spying out the land. And they came to Moses and Aaron and to all the congregation of the people of Israel in the wilderness of Paran, at Kadesh. They brought back word to them and to all the congregation, and showed them the fruit of the land. And they told him, "We came to the land to which you sent us. It flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. And besides, we saw the descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites dwell in the land of the Negeb. The Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the hill country. And the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and along the Jordan." But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, "Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it." Then the men who had gone up with him said, "We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are." So they brought to the people of Israel a bad report of the land that they had spied out, saying, "The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height. And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them." Then all the congregation raised a loud cry, and the people wept that night. And all the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The whole congregation said to them, "Would that we had died in the land of Egypt! Or would that we had died in this wilderness! Why is the LORD bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become a prey. Would it not be better for us to go back to Egypt?" And they said to one another, "Let us choose a leader and go back to Egypt." Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces before all the assembly of the congregation of the people of Israel. And Joshua the son of Nun and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had spied out the land, tore their clothes and said to all the congregation of the people of Israel, "The land, which we passed through to spy it out, is an exceedingly good land. If the LORD delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land that flows with milk and honey. Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not fear the people of the land, for they are bread for us. Their protection is removed from them, and the LORD is with us; do not fear them." Then all the congregation said to stone them with stones. But the glory of the LORD appeared at the tent of meeting to all the people of Israel. And the LORD said to Moses, "How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them? I will strike them with the pestilence and disinherit them, and I will make of you a nation greater and mightier than they." But Moses said to the LORD, "Then the Egyptians will hear of it, for you brought up this people in your might from among them, and they will tell the inhabitants of this land. They have heard that you, O LORD, are in the midst of this people. For you, O LORD, are seen face to face, and your cloud stands over them and you go before them, in a pillar of cloud by day and in a pillar of fire by night. Now if you kill this people as one man, then the nations who have heard your fame will say, 'It is because the LORD was not able to bring this people into the land that he swore to give to them that he has killed them in the wilderness.' And now, please let the power of the Lord be great as you have promised, saying, 'The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.' Please pardon the iniquity of this people, according to the greatness of your steadfast love, just as you have forgiven this people, from Egypt until now." Then the LORD said, "I have pardoned, according to your word. But truly, as I live, and as all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the LORD, none of the men who have seen my glory and my signs that I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and yet have put me to the test these ten times and have not obeyed my voice, shall see the land that I swore to give to their fathers. And none of those who despised me shall see it. But my servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit and has followed me fully, I will bring into the land into which he went, and his descendants shall possess it. Now, since the Amalekites and the Canaanites dwell in the valleys, turn tomorrow and set out for the wilderness by the way to the Red Sea." And the LORD spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying, "How long shall this wicked congregation grumble against me? I have heard the grumblings of the people of Israel, which they grumble against me. Say to them, 'As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you: your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness, and of all your number, listed in the census from twenty years old and upward, who have grumbled against me, not one shall come into the land where I swore that I would make you dwell, except Caleb the son of Jephunneh and Joshua the son of Nun. But your little ones, who you said would become a prey, I will bring in, and they shall know the land that you have rejected. But as for you, your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness. And your children shall be shepherds in the wilderness forty years and shall suffer for your faithlessness, until the last of your dead bodies lies in the wilderness. According to the number of the days in which you spied out the land, forty days, a year for each day, you shall bear your iniquity forty years, and you shall know my displeasure.' I, the LORD, have spoken. Surely this will I do to all this wicked congregation who are gathered together against me: in this wilderness they shall come to a full end, and there they shall die." And the men whom Moses sent to spy out the land, who returned and made all the congregation grumble against him by bringing up a bad report about the land- the men who brought up a bad report of the land- died by plague before the LORD. Of those men who went to spy out the land, only Joshua the son of Nun and Caleb the son of Jephunneh remained alive. When Moses told these words to all the people of Israel, the people mourned greatly. And they rose early in the morning and went up to the heights of the hill country, saying, "Here we are. We will go up to the place that the LORD has promised, for we have sinned." But Moses said, "Why now are you transgressing the command of the LORD, when that will not succeed? Do not go up, for the Lord is not among you, lest you be struck down before your enemies. For there the Amalekites and the Canaanites are facing you, and you shall fall by the sword. Because you have turned back from following the LORD, the LORD will not be with you." But they presumed to go up to the heights of the hill country, although neither the ark of the covenant of the LORD nor Moses departed out of the camp. Then the Amalekites and the Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and defeated them and pursued them, even to Hormah. pearlie

Noah and Abram

As Pastorpher spoke from Genesis 15 today, where God made a covenant with Abram, I wonder about the background and the context to the choosing of Abram. Who was he? What did he do? Whom did he actually worship? Of all people why him?

Referring to Genesis 12, it was simply recorded that God said to Abram, "Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father's house, To the land which I will show you; And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing; And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed."

Abram went forth as the LORD had spoken to him. That was it. The author of Genesis do not provide us with anymore reasons as to why God had chosen Abram. There was no mention that he was the best candidate - he was just chosen. No criteria given.

In comparison, when God chose Noah in Genesis 6, Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD. Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his time; Noah walked with God.

If I am not wrong the only difference between the two choosing is this: Noah's was because there was judgment to be meted out, and the only condition Noah met was that he was righteous, he walked with God. In the case of Abram, it was a case of a call to obedience. The were no conditions to obedience. God would just call, and it is to be obeyed.

So in that sense, no matter who we are, it does not matter to God, he chose us all to obedience. But when it comes to salvation, he chose only those who walk with him.

pearlie

The Revisiting of Hannah's Account

Happy Mommy's Day!

Pastor preached from the narrative of Hannah this morning, from 1 Samuel 1:1-28. As I observed the passage, it is one amazing account of the faithfulness of God.

Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah bore Elkanah sons and daughters but Hannah was barren. Elkanah loved his wife Hannah with double portions, but God had closed her womb.

Year after year, Hannah had been bitterly provoked and exarcebated by Peninnah for being barren and it caused her deep sorrow - she'd weep and refuse to eat. Elkanah loved her so and tried to comfort her with his love.

One year, she was so distressed that as she prayed, she wept bitterly. She made a vow: "O LORD of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and a razor shall never come on his head" (v.11).

Eli thought she was drunk but when she explained that she had poured out her soul before the Lord (v.15), Eli blessed her. Eli wished for her prayers to be answered but if the verb is parsed as an imperfect, he actually promised her that God will grant her request. (Klein, WBC, p.9). With that she went away, "her face was no longer sad" (v.18).

I have questions:

1. Out of desperation, a vow was made: what does it imply?

We need to know the context of vows in the ancient world. I quote The IVP Bible Background Commentary of the Old Testament (Walton, IVP, p.282): "Vows are voluntary, conditional agreements that are common in most of the cultures of the ancient Near East, including Hittite, Ugaritic, Mesopotamian and, less often Egyptian. In the ancient world the most common context for a vow was when a request was being made to a deity. The gift would most frequently take the form of a sacrifice, but other types of gifts to the sanctuary or priests would be options Fulfillment of a vow could usually be accomplished at the sanctuary and was a public act."

Vows were commonly made, and must be fulfilled. Vows were serious matters - very unlike in these times where vows are so lightly made, and forgotten the moment the petitions are fulfilled. Therefore in that sense, Hannah's vow was spectacular.

We must revisit our understanding of Hannah's account. Why was she so distressed? Is it because she does not have children? Is it because she was taunted and provoked?

I think not.

In my humble opinion, she was distressed because she was forgotten by God. In the ancient world, childlessness is viewed as a sign of God's punishment. It is a sign that God is no longer with her. I began to see that Hannah's concern is not so much being barren. After all Elkanah loved her so much. But she was distressed at the thought that God has discarded her, banished her. She could not live with it - she cannot live knowing that God had abandoned her.

As such, she had been searching for God's presence for many years - she prayed and wept. Until that one time, she decided that if God is willing to give her a son, as a sign of God's fellowship with her, she will offer her son back to God. If God would remove from her the ostracism, that God indeed had not forgotten her, she will give to God what will be most precious to her.

2. In Numbers 30:6-15, we learn that a woman's vow at that time can only be cancelled by her husband. If he said nothing, however, or did not oppose her, the vow had to be carried through (Klein, WBC, p.8). So why did Hannah still have to carry out her vow?

Now, Elkanah loved Hannah very much - he equated his love to more than that of 10 sons. So on that account, I believe he had cancelled her vows. There is no proof obviously, but imagine that he did and yet Hannah went on to give Samuel to God's service.

She loved God so much that she was willing to give him her one and only child. She now know that God loved her and had not abandoned her because God has open her womb. With that confirmation, she gave to God what is most precious to her in thanksgiving.

Does that not remind us of someone who did the same at the land of Moriah? Does that not remind us of God who loved us so much that he gave us His own Son?

So if you think at any time that God has abandoned you, or nobody wants you, or
life is about the worst it can get - remember that God gave you his Son.

I read Hannah's Song now in new light - more so that we live in the age of the already fulfilled promise of the coming of Messiah, looking toward the final fulfillment of the Kingdom of God, when God's presence is eternally with us in person.

Hannah's Song (1 Samuel 2:1-10)
My heart exults in the LORD;
My horn is exalted in the LORD,
My mouth speaks boldly against my enemies,
Because I rejoice in Your salvation.
There is no one holy like the LORD,
Indeed, there is no one besides You,
Nor is there any rock like our God.
Boast no more so very proudly,
Do not let arrogance come out of your mouth;
For the LORD is a God of knowledge,
And with Him actions are weighed.
The bows of the mighty are shattered,
But the feeble gird on strength.
Those who were full hire themselves out for bread,
But those who were hungry cease to hunger.
Even the barren gives birth to seven,
But she who has many children languishes.
The LORD kills and makes alive;
He brings down to Sheol and raises up.
The LORD makes poor and rich;
He brings low, He also exalts.
He raises the poor from the dust,
He lifts the needy from the ash heap
To make them sit with nobles,
And inherit a seat of honor;
For the pillars of the earth are the LORD's,
And He set the world on them.
He keeps the feet of His godly ones,
But the wicked ones are silenced in darkness;
For not by might shall a man prevail.
Those who contend with the LORD will be shattered;
Against them He will thunder in the heavens,
The LORD will judge the ends of the earth;
And He will give strength to His king,
And will exalt the horn of His anointed.

As I celebrate Mother's Day enjoying the company of my son, who has woken up by himself in the wee hours of the morning getting my gifts in the right places (like under my pillow), who came back from church and prepared the room as if I am checking into a hotel complete with butler service (yes, he is the butler attending to me now seated at the "Library Cafe" enjoying a coffee), I am being reminded and made to realise even more the immensity of God's love for us.

As I celebrate Mother's Day basking in the love of my son, I celebrate life being included in the grace and presence of God, through His Son, Jesus Christ.

As I celebrate Mother's Day with my son's "I love you's", I celebrate God with the dedication of my small little self - the offer of myself as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to Him, in my spiritual service of worship.

Amen.

pearlie
Photo © 2007 Gisela Royo

The Chronicles of a Day in Siesta

I foresee this is going to be a long one, and therefore it will be a challenge to have it written it a way that it will not be too difficult to read through right to the end.


The Need
I needed a day off, and it has to be a purely “off” day with no work, no reports, no calls, no anything work related. The team is so piled up with work we have been working through our noses. It is high time I took a real day off.

To recharge, regroup, recuperate.


The Start
My leave application was approved amidst the heavy load we are in and I am thankful for it. The day began in rote: I drove Calvin to school. I drove myself to my morning and breakfast spot. I ordered my usual long black, coffee shop version. I got my usual bowl of noodles. I got ready my notebook computer.

I began to plan my day.


The Options
I have four options:
1. Take a 2 to 3-hour drive to Fraser’s Hill. Sit in a café. Have coffee and scones. Complete my Logos assignment.
2. Take an hour drive to STM in Seremban. Attend Chapel service. Have a catch-up time with Lee Yng.
3. Go for a 4-hour spa treatment.
4. Stay at home and do the usual.

Now, what shall it be?


The Elimination
Option 4 is definitely out of the picture! I cannot be vegetating at home. Option 1 is certainly tempting. It was on top of the list, except for one problem. I was working late into the night last night to complete all I had to do in order to have a truly free Thursday. As a result, I woke up this morning with a headache. What’s worse, it felt like an impending migraine.

Option 1 will have to be for another time.


The Combination
I decided to combine Option 2 and 3 together. I will head off to Seremban at 9am, in time for STM's Chapel service at 11am. Head home at 3pm for a 4.30pm appointment at the spa.

It is a done deal.


The Highway
The morning was drizzling when I started. I used the KL-Seremban Highway. SH said that the trunk road will be congested will trucks and I will be better-off using the highway. However, I soon got quite bored. I decided I needed some adventure. At the Nilai interchange, I started on a should-I-or-should-I-not monologue argument.

It went why-not and I turned off.


The Adventure
The moment I got off the highway, I got energized. It was like getting into something of the unknown - I did not know where I was heading and where I will end up in. I will have to depend on my always dependable woman’s sixth sense. What happened? I drove on and on, made turns based on instinct – road signs are not very dependable, you see. The road swerved left and right, the vehicles in front became obstacles. Oh, I missed a turn. No choice - I had to carry on - the road is too narrow to make a three-point-turn back. Thankfully, I finally reached a broad intersection and did a U-turn. I actually got lost for quite awhile – I got into Seremban town and was reminded that it is a confusing town. I missed numerous turns due to useless and befuddling signboards. Soon enough I had to do another U-turn - since milestones indicated that I am heading back to Kuala Lumpur. I had to get back into the KL-Seremban Highway, and take the dependable Senawang interchange.

That was fun!


The Calls
I got back into the highway and took the Senawang interchange, but not without taking several calls from the office. I knew it would happen and there is nothing I can do to avoid it.

Work will never leave you alone.


The Service
I got to STM, parked my car at the far end of the compound. The place was fully parked with cars – there was a TEE class going on I was told. Reb was teaching Introduction to the Old Testament, the first TEE module I took way back in 2003. I got into the chapel with Lee Yng, who paid a visit to the doctor and was also late. Reb had already started on the reflection of the day. Kar Yong was seated at the back and we joined him.

Surrounded I was, with scholars and students.


The Reflection
Reb was giving a reflection on Psalm 62. I will have to say it sounded all too familiar since I have just attended his session on Interpreting the Old Testament not too long ago. I took a close look at Psalm 62.

Such a well-written song.


The Psalm


God is indeed a refuge for us.


The Lunch
After chapel, Lee Yng, Kar Yong, Lee Yng’s 2 friends from SUFES Melaka and I had lunch together. My headache that was lingering by now had gotten worse.

More pills.


The Dorm
We got back to STM after lunch. Lee Yng and I thought we could go out for a cup of coffee and a round of tête-à-tête, but first we headed off to her dorm room to get her medication. Yes, more pills. However, the moment I sat down on her bed, I have a feeling I will be glued there for quite awhile.

We never got to the coffee.


The Chat
Lee Yng made me coffee, we settled in and chatted to our heart’s content. We talked about church, ministry, mission, books, church, church, and church.

We depressed ourselves with church.


The Mission
You know how it is when you talked about something you had been thinking about with someone you trusted, things gets clearer and your thoughts get confirmed? I was sharing with Lee Yng my recent experience of the pounding word from the Lord. Throughout 2007, I kept getting the mission-sermon. And unlike other times, I took these messages to heart. Is God trying to tell me something? But I am not a “mission person”! Even though evangelism is one of my responsibilities, I know it is not my specific calling. God then slowly revealed it to me – I do have a mission calling, whichever way it will take I have yet to find out, but I will have the second generation and beyond Christians to look into.

This one is one hard one to crack.


The Getaway
Soon, I realized I had to peel myself away from Lee Yng comfortable abode to get back on the road and head home. I have already missed the first appointment I made with the spa: I have decided to shorten the spa experience from 4 to 2 hours.

The fellowship was more important.


The Spa
A full body massage is one of the most luxurious things in this world, and I got 2 hours of it. Kneaded, pressed, squeezed, pulled and rubbed.

Mmm ... what more can I say?


The Mind
The spa I went to was a delightful place. Dim and quiet. Serene and still. It was however, too still for my mind's comfort. It was so discomforting, that in the midst of the kneading, my mind started to work. Oh no, it is not going to happen! I am not going to end a restful day working.

I’ve got to do something.


The Exposition
I rummaged for my phone, plugged on the headphones and started on D.A. Carson’s session on John 3, “Jesus, the Gift of God.” It went on for an hour and 20 minutes. It was an excellent exposition. At several junctures however, he again repeated his usage of examples and illustrations. I have noted that he had done it before here he is doing it again. Is it a good thing to do? But I listened on, not wanting to think about anything other than the goodness of God.

My body got kneaded, my mind got fed and my spirit got filled, I rested well.


The End
Alas, the end of an excellent day. It was a full day - restful and uplifting, refreshing and wonderful.
5 Your lovingkindness, O LORD, extends to the heavens,
Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;
Your judgments are like a great deep.
O LORD, You preserve man and beast.
7 How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!
And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.
8 They drink their fill of the abundance of Your house;
And You give them to drink of the river of Your delights.
9 For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.
10 O continue Your lovingkindness to those who know You,
And Your righteousness to the upright in heart.
~ Psalm 36:5-10

Thank you, O Lord, my King and my God. Amen.

pearlie

Four Epiphanies

Pastor Chris was so animated and excited with his sermon today and with his excitement and message, he has brought up in me four points of epiphanies.

Firstly, he told us about this video. It opened my eyes to see what was happening in other parts of the world and that God can use just anybody for his purposes. It reminds me of this: “to those who use well what they are given, even more will be given. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away” (Luke 19:26, NLT). If little kids can be used by God so marvelously, what excuses do we have?

Secondly, it was confirmed in my heart what I think I am to do as far as evangelism is concerned. I will post this at length when I have further thought it through.

Thirdly, Pastor reminded us that there is a reason why we are where we are. The reason why we are in this church is obviously not our doing. Yes, I knew about the church being near our home. Yes, I suggested to SH one fine day to go visit. Yes, we made the decision to stay on with the church. And yes, we made the decision to transfer our membership – which we have done during the recent Easter service. But it was God who put us here. I felt that God has picked us up from where we were not used to a place where he can use us, and be a blessing to others.

Fourthly, I think I can finally confirm that my question on prayer is quite settled. Needless to say, I have been struggling on the subject for too long a time, not so much on “how and when to pray?”, but “why pray?” – since God is all-sovereign and whatever we ask, we ultimately seek his will be done anyway. This was again brought up during bible study on Friday and the group were so gung-ho in wanting to pray for me – that I find answers and start praying fervently. It is not that I do not pray, I do but I can do better. The answer came by unexpectedly yesterday. I was googling for something and chance upon Vitali’s blog. After reading what I googled for, I scrolled down and viola! There before me was a post entitled “Why pray?” God does have a sense of humour, doesn't he?. Vitali said what I needed to hear:

"Why pray if God knows what you will ask him before you actually do? Moreover, God will only grant your request if it is according to his will, but if it is according to his will, he will do it anyway even if you don’t ask him".

What I learned when preparing for the study is that this question keeps been asked again and again and again. I have heard it been answered by people whose teaching I really respect, e.g. Tim Keller, Don Carson, etc. So what's the answer?

There is none.

There is no answer. Any explanation you will try to give will not make sense in one way or another. The only way to understand it is that while our prayer has appearance of us asking God for something and trying (in a way) to change his mind, the only thing that changes in prayer is us.

What did this discovery did to me personally? After a few days of struggle, somehow, I feel liberated. I have struggled with prayer for a long time, but now that I know there is no good explanation for why we should pray, I feel free to pray simply out of obedience to God's Word. And, somehow, I feel humbled by the fact that not everything can be understood by our limited minds. Well, I knew that already, but this time this understanding (that I can't understand everything and must rely more on God) came really home to me.

There is no answer. It is indeed liberating for me. While God is sovereign, we can still change his mind, only and only if he remains sovereign. Sounds impossible? This is our God we are talking about here.

pearlie