I got really, really angry today but because I was not in an environment where I can release and vent the way I like, I had to suppress it. It was hard but I managed to do so by extracting myself from the situation, take long deep breaths and talk about it in short spurts to someone who knew the context of the situation. I became calmer in 5 minutes.
Then, me being me, I began to analyse myself and found that suppressed anger is indeed a very interesting sensation. I have gotten angry before and I have vented my anger without thinking, but that is with people whom I love and whom I trust (though I would usually regret for venting it). But this is different. I can say that this is the first time I have ever been so mad. But what is interesting is that I analysed it, I made myself mindful of the feelings that I had, and it was interesting. At first I felt like I want to burst out in every way possible, then I felt in control, and then I begin to feel detached and not so angry anymore. But I did feel a bit off though, like I don't have enough blood in my head and I did end of with a migraine-like headache now.
What an experience.
...
However, after writing what I wrote above, it suddenly dawned on me what I read yesterday in Tan Siang Yang's Counseling and Psychotherapy - Sigmund Freud wrote about the defense mechanism that we employ to deal with negative situations we encounter. When we use them "infrequently and appropriately, they can serve a constructive purpose by reducing stress or anxiety and enabling the person to cope more effectively" (p.40, 2011). And it is interesting to note that the defense mechanism which I have opted to use is "intellectualisation". I quote Tan: "Intellectualisation is a defense mechanism whereby a person detaches from a painful emotional experience by focusing only on his or her thoughts and the minute details involved in trying to analyse and explain the negative emotional experience." (p.42, 2011)
How interesting.
pearlie
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